I recently read about two situations in the states that had me pretty angered. The first was about a woman who was forcefully put on bed-rest against her wishes in order to try to prevent a miscarriage. She showed signs of early miscarriage and when her doctor ordered bed-rest, she opted instead to get a second opinion. Being the mother of two toddlers and needing to work to support the family made bed-rest a near impossibility for her. Well, she was ordered not only to bed-rest, but also to stay at a hospital and follow any treatment the doctor deemed necessary. She ended up having a c-section a couple days later to remove the dead baby.
The second scenario involved a woman who fell down the stairs late in her second trimester and while in the hospital to have the baby checked on she confided in the nurse that early on she had contemplated abortion because she and the babies father had split up. The nurse and doctor decided to call the cops for attempted feticide, saying that the woman threw herself down the stair intentionally in order to try to terminate the pregnancy. The woman was arrested and spent two nights in jail.
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One thing I have noticed since I've become pregnant, and I don't know if it's worse because I had a miscarriage, but it seems that everyone thinks that they have the right/responsibility to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate advice, and I love that people care about me. But anyone who knows me knows that I am anal retentive about researching everything, and that I'm not going to make any decision about what I can and can't do during this pregnancy without reading about the pros and cons first. I think people should know me well enough to know that I am not going to make decision that will put the baby at risk.
I fully understand and accept that there are some things I might do that other people wouldn't do. Being vegetarian for example. I know that it's really hard for people who have spent their lives eating meat, who don't fully understand the range of foods that I do eat to "get" that I can be vegetarian AND healthy. What I find hypocritical, is that if I was a meat eater but lived on Kraft Dinner and chicken nuggets, I probably wouldn't have half the people questioning my diet as I do now even though I promise my diet is better rounded than the one I just mentioned. I do get that many people don't understand that being vegetarian doesn't mean eating the same way I did before, but just eliminating the meat. If I did that, yes, I would be deficient in something I'm sure. I don't expect people to spend hours researching it and understanding it, but I do expect them to understand that I have spent hours researching it and understanding it, and trust that I will make the right decisions for myself and my child.
The other issue (of course) is horses. I have had people suggest that I basically shouldn't get withing 100' of my boys. The fear being that horses might carry some kind of baby-killing bacteria that I will catch, or that I might end up getting run over or trampled by them or who knows what. People and horses have been living side by side (And yes, people reproduced during these times) for thousands of years. I know my horses, I know what is safe and what is not, and I am aware of my own physical limitations. That said, I fully intend to start riding Lou again when my placenta moves to a better location. I'll be putting the bareback pad away and using my saddle to be safe. I'm not going to break Constantine this spring, because I'm not dumb enough to get on a green horse even if he's the steadiest horse in the world. I don't recommend that people who are pregnant get on a horse for the first time... But I've been riding for years, I know my horse, I know my limitations and meandering around the back field at a leisurely pace is not going to cause any problems. Research shows that the action associated with riding is not dangerous to the baby, and that the danger comes with the risk of falling, and I will be riding in a way that minimizes that risk. It's a way for me to keep my sanity and stay in shape, and ultimately, it's my choice.
So, got that off my chest :)
The relation between what I just posted and the stories I outlined above is that we seem to think in our society that when a woman becomes pregnant, her life and her choices are no longer hers to make. Obviously there is a difference between a well meaning friend or family member telling me I'm being neglectful for not eating steak and a woman being arrested for falling down the stairs. However there is a connection between the sentiments behind it. Somehow in this society we feel a pregnant woman's life is no longer hers alone. That somehow we have the right to start dictating how she should spend her time, what kind of medical decisions she can make, what she should eat... I admit to being guilty of this on some level in the past. I have looked on in disgust and even made comments to complete strangers who were pregnant and doing something (smoking for example) that I thought would be harmful to their baby. As someone who puts a lot of thought and research into every decision I make, I find it annoying at best and downright insulting at worst when I am accused of being neglectful of by baby's wellbeing. But the bigger picture is that on a moral level, it's downright scary. I can tell you right now that if I disagreed with some advice my doctor gave me and wanted a second opinion, I would fully expect that it was within my rights to do so. If I found myself being held and treated against my will... I'm not even sure I can express how angry that would make me.
So do me a favor, and think about this next time you see a pregnant woman doing something you wouldn't personally do. Whether that be lifting a heavy bag of dog food, or smoking a cigarette. Her life is her life, and not yours. The baby in her belly doesn't change that, and doesn't give anyone else the right to make her choices for her.
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