A new pregnancy

I took the HPT a week before my period was due. I got a very faint positive. I waited two more days, took another one and the positive was clear.

This time around, the excitement was immediately mixed with fear. What if I was unable to carry a baby to term? What if I miscarried again? What if I can never have children?

We told our parents and immediate family right away. The idea being that they were such a strong support system the last time, that IF something goes wrong again we'd like them to be there.

People's reactions varied from pure excitement, to cautious optimism. I admit I was hoping for pure excitement all around. I had enough caution and worry for all of us, and I was hoping that everyone's positive attitudes would help convince me that it would be OK this time.

This pregnancy is very differant than the last. At first, I was worried tha maybe I wasn't really pregnant. Maybe there was residual hCG left in my system from the last pregnancy that had tricked the HPTs. When I went for My beta's, my levels were at 1800. Anything over 5 is considered pregnant, so I was able to put that irrational fear to bed. Then, the morning sickness started. Or as my SIL calls is, "All the time sickness". At first I was positively giddy. I mean, THIS is what a normal pregnancy is like, right? The constant vomiting the aversion to food, the extreme exhaustion, the super-human sense of smell....

But the sickness brought on another set of worries. I was unable to keep down anything nutritionally sound. I was living on toast, and I couldn't even keep my pre-natal vitamin down. Everyone stresses the importance of pre-natals. The folic acid prevents neural tube defects. Was my sickness going to cause me to have an unhealthy baby? Plus, like it or not, happy to be pregnant or not, being sick ALL the time, spending evening after evening with your head in the toilet and not feeling much better the next morning is exhausting. I found my normal every day non-optional tasks like feeding the horses and letting the dogs out exhausting.

Enter a prescription for Diclectin. I struggled with whether or not I should take it. For one, what if it did something to the developing baby? I was trying very very hard not to take anything unless absolutely needed.

Then there was a guilt issue. The sickness is a sign that everything is OK. I should be happy about being pregnant, I should be HAPPY to be sick! And I'm taking the easy way out and taking a pill.

The pills make be very tired. I'm allowed to take up to four a day, and I'm only taking one. They knock me flat out. But they help with the sickness. I have eaten REAL non-toast suppers every night this week. I'm back to taking my prenatals. And apparently the drowsiness will subside in time.

And this covers the beginning to the pregnancy to today. I am in the last day of my 8th week.